Let your Mess be your Message

Yesterday marked 30 days since I have returned home to the states, after living out of the country
for a total of six months.  From the chaos to New York, the peaceful Mountains of Jamaica,
the long plains of Belize to the serenity of Costa Rica I learned lessons that will forever hold value
in my life.  Honestly, I have avoided processing the trip, scrolling through pictures or talking
too much out of fear I will miss it even more than I already do.  I’ve been afraid I will do an injustice
in trying to sum it up in words, that if I think about it too much I’ll have a harder time acclimating to
our Westernized culture.

However, I have been thankful for the friends and family who have supported me in my time of finding
a new “normal” amidst my old stopping grounds.  I give even greater thanks to God, who in my periods
of rest I have found great comfort.  Country after country we shared the message of
Ephesians 4, “There is one body and one Spirit….one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and
father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” The same God I danced for in the pews of
Jamaica; bowed to on my knees in Belize and found deep rest in Costa Rica is the same God that
here in America I will continue to give everything to.

If I were to sum up Immersion in one sentence it would be the following:
“Learning to live in His presence, clinging to Him, even though we are undeserving of His love.”  

For so long I lived my life trying to control my next move out of fear. I ran from my past trauma,

past mistakes and shortcomings.  Through many years of substance misuse, self-harm and shutting down

I know longer knew who I truly was. I was sinking into the ways of the world, submitting to the lies of the
enemy. Over the course of six months I healed in ways I’d never thought. Though it is hard to sum
everything up, there are four key lessons that have been placed on my heart.

Say Yes Even in the midst of fear, distrust, and lack of confidence- take a risk, say yes to the uncomfortable and

step out in faith. Joshua 1:9 commands us to, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." What comfort that brings, to know and accept that even in the midst of being not so sure about your

next move GOD sees you, He hears you, He is with you, not sometimes but ALWAYS.

Cling to God above all Become dependent in Him and through Him. Don’t allow your faith to become a once a week check in.

Struggle through the week, doing “life” by yourself while telling yourself you are a Christian.  Sunday’s

don’t have to be a full up the tank and pray it lasts you the week.  Jesus invites us to a relationship with

Him that is intimate, and ever lasting. There is a place deep in our souls that is a place only He can

reach, where we find our strength and refugee.“You shall follow the Lord your God, and fear Him, and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, Serve Him and CLING to Him.” -Deuteronomy 13:4.  Slowly I began to realize that becoming one with God is not to much a

commandment but a gracious invitation.

My Identity in Jesus The more I began to cling to Jesus, the more I began to understand who He truly was.

As I read through the gospel I learned that Jesus was portrayed as a King (Matthew), a servant (Mark),

a healer/physican (Luke) and the son of God (John).  Jesus was a teacher, a healer, a deliver, a SAVIOR.

No longer was my identity in the ways of the world. My past no longer held power over me.

The labels no longer stung, “addict or victim” because to Jesus I was simply His daughter, His child,

whom He loved dearly.  The world, my emotions, the circumstances around me no longer ruled me.  

Through Jesus, by the action of clinging to Him I found that my identity was rooted in Jesus.  

That God was the ultimate source of protection, blessing and unfailing love and joy.  

Let your mess be your message

The world gives us this idea that in order to come to God we first must get ourselves together, figure it all out, become spotless and sin free. Yet throughout the Bible we see countless accounts of individuals who had messed up a time or two and were still used in miraculous ways to bring the glory of God.  Think of Rahab, a prostitute who out of faith provided shelter and protection to Joshua’s spies. Or Saul, a man who lived in ruthless pursuit of killing Christians, radically saved after God revealed himself, choosing to then dedicate his life to spreading the gospel to the world.  

We are undeserving of His love, mercy, and grace for us- yet despite our shortcomings, and failure God uses sin to accomplish His will (Josh 2:5).  We don’t have to be perfect, or all together to be used by God.  Before truly laying my life down at the cross I lived in shame and guilt from my past. But now, with arms held wide, and eyes looking up I choose to let my mess by my message.

We are all broken, all hurting, all sinners.  So, I challenge you to slow down, say yes, look up from the despair of the world to the creator and redeemer. Learn to cling to Him, to become rooted in His word.  Life will never be perfect, pain and hurt will continue to come as we live in a fallen world, but through Jesus we can have hope. Through Him we can be redeemed and made new.

I’d like to say yet again, thank you. For every individual friends, family, strangers who chose to
support me on this journey. Thank you for your continuous support through
prayer, financial blessing and encouraging words.  

-Mariah Dufour